that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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