I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
