I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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