guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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