Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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