about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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