I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
