Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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