theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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