for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
