I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
