I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
