That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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