DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
