my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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