Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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