I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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