Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im part way to drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
