Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
