I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Green mimosas i think yes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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