This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
