UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think people are normalizing furries
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