what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
