Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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