He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was CRYING into my vagina
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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