Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
