I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need a beard to bite.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
