Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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