didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
