We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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