my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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