You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
