Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
