How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
