stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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