You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
