i would punch a child for taco bell
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
