we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
