dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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