Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
