Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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