There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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