I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
