I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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