somebody snuck up and got me drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
