so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's blow job season.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
