So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm too high and old for this...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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