I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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