hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
