I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
