Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
