i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
